Are you lonesome tonight?

I don’t quite get the mathematic of activities in my office. There are days that it is bursting with activities – the phone ringing endlessly, fax paper a mile long rolling off from the machine, and the printers working overtime – you would think you are in pasar borong as opposed to law firm. There are days like today when it is so quiet that you can hear a pin drop from a distance. And it is on days like today – so quiet – that I am overwhelmed with the feeling of loneliness.

As the mountain of files on my table eases out to flat ground-zero and work done, I inevitably turn to my favourite past time – blog-hopping. My partner, F, gives me a disparaging look and sighs in exasperation. He still cannot fathom my obsession with blogs. And a blog which I visit often is that of Hjh Esah’s Tale of Psychological Damage. I am attracted to her blog because she writes with utter honesty – how she feels exactly at the moment. I often find myself in awe with her unpretentious writing. Earlier on, Hjh Esah writes, “you are lonely because you are too focused on your loneliness.” I was dumb struck. Do I feel lonely right now because I am too focused on the loneliness?

I long for those days when I was with Raja Eleena’s law firm. I was so busy I could hardly answer personal phone calls. And so lunch time was a break that I looked forward to after a friendly banter with colleagues as where to go and who to invite. Nowadays, I occasionally have boring lunch with clients. Sometimes I don’t even bother with lunch at all. How pathetic can that be!

A friend, P,  has this theory on loneliness, I quote, “Loneliness, lonesome and solitude is a state of mind. Dwell in it if you dare, the abyss of depression would come uninvited. Depression another humongous reserve of unexplained behaviours known to man would slowly rear its ugly head if we stay there too long.”

Theoretically, loneliness is a state of mind. Just like smoking cigarettes, you will to quit depends on your state of mind. Can you, therefore, dictate your state of mind then? I think not. State of mind is a complex equation bestows upon us by god. I am not making sense? I know, I know…I sound like an insane person. Personally, I will let not this loneliness lead to depression. I will make peace with it. The same way I make peace with things I can’t change.

Have a good day folks.

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18 thoughts on “Are you lonesome tonight?

  1. loneliness, bored, sad and etc. i wud suffer fr them for no particular reason. i can be among friends and yet suddenly feel lonely and cant exactly pin-point the reason. mind-matter is truly a tricky and complex one. just have to wait and let it pass on its own.

    Dearest Farina,

    Its true. This too, shall pass.

  2. I knew it…that you will dwell on your loneliness….hahaha…ada autistic traits ke El? I’m afraid, I hv to disagree with that bit that we can’t control our state of mind.Consciously we can’t, because if you’re depressed and lonely, no amount of energy can help to control what is in yr mind. If blogging is your channel to out yr feelings everyday, look back and see what was it that bothering you…quite often you’ll find what bothering you is YOU.You’re in a uncompromising position with kid and husband, where inadvertantly, you put yourself behind and them two first.Maybe this is what you missing, YOU.Which is not bad at all. El, although I am honoured sampai nak koyak seluar dalam I,pls bear in mind that being in a profession that I’m in now, I am more than capable of talking SH*T…so what you read is probably an inundation of a sewel mind having to deal people who want to commit suicide on a daily basis.

    Timo kasih Esah, errrr, you nak hantar bill kat I ker? Tak tahulah, just a bit under the weather yesterday.

  3. haiya, I cannot fathom, you of all people, a lively woman with an adorable child and I am sure a loving husband, with a promising career and business, let loneliness creep into your mind!! I agree with your friend, P. But I do believe you can dictate your mind. Convert that state of mind to peace and imagine yourself spreading loving kindness to someone. Well, if you need some lessons, come back to RESAA, and see yours truly. Better stll, with the mountains of files and unending telephone calls, there will be no space at all for loneliness. btw, did you remember your ex-boss b’day today??

    BTW, what is your mind so pre-occupied with, that you didn’t even notice us honking at your little Smart car at 1.10 pm today near Pudu Plaza!!!

    Yuki,

    I wasnt near that area recently. Hahaahahahaha! You must be honking at a wrong person. Poor lady! Hey, I know its YW Siew birthday. I need to drop by soon, give him something. Sigh, I miss the friends in RESAA. Damn, can I have my old room back? And my old friends back? This is depressing.

  4. Hello E,
    Been here many times b4.
    Get out of this lonesome thing quick
    It can be contagious.
    Always came here to brighten my day

    How is that I brighten you day? Don’t think I ever do that…

  5. Salam Elviza:

    Loneliness…..at times, I longed for loneliness( but not for a long time lah..).
    Loneliness made me think of myself. What I have done in the past. What I should have done. What I missed. And it made me remember arwah Bapak more. Have I fulfilled his unspoken hope from me. It made me think of whether I have done my duty to my wife,son,mom and siblings.

    And the answer is always: I’m not up to the mark. sigh…..

    Salam TA,

    Oh no!!! I have made this thing contagious…so sorry. Of course, you are to the mark. You have achieved so much in your life. Nothing could be more than that brother!

  6. Is everythin’ ok? You sounded low and sad….. I shall pray for you

    Pengembara,

    Life is like a wheel, sometimes you are up, sometimes you are wheeled down. Am okay, thank you for asking.

  7. The heading of your write-up reminds me of Elvis’s song, Elviza.

    Are you lonesome tonight
    do you miss me tonight
    Are you sorry we drifted apart
    Does your memory stray to a bright sunny day
    When I kissed you and called you sweetheart
    Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare
    Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there
    Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again
    Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight

    Spoken:
    I wonder if you’re lonesome tonight
    You know someone said that the world’s a stage
    And each must play a part
    Fate had me playing in love you as my sweet heart
    Act one was when we met, I loved you at first glance
    You read your line so cleverly and never missed a cue
    Then came act two, you seemed to change and you acted strange
    And why I’ll never know
    Honey, you lied when you said you loved me
    And I had no cause to doubt you
    But I’d rather go on hearing your lies
    Than go on living without you
    Now the stage is bare and I’m standing there
    With emptiness all around
    And if you won’t come back to me
    Then they can bring the curtain down

    Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again
    Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight

  8. Are you lonesome tonight
    do you miss me tonight
    Are you sorry we drifted apart
    Does your memory stray to a bright sunny day
    When I kissed you and called you sweetheart
    Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare
    Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there
    Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again
    Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight
    Spoken:
    I wonder if you’re lonesome tonight
    You know someone said that the world’s a stage
    And each must play a part
    Fate had me playing in love you as my sweet heart
    Act one was when we met, I loved you at first glance
    You read your line so cleverly and never missed a cue
    Then came act two, you seemed to change and you acted strange
    And why I’ll never know
    Honey, you lied when you said you loved me
    And I had no cause to doubt you
    But I’d rather go on hearing your lies
    Than go on living without you
    Now the stage is bare and I’m standing there
    With emptiness all around
    And if you won’t come back to me
    Then they can bring the curtain down

    Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again
    Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight

    Hi Anon, the whole song huh?

  9. Hi Sis Elviza

    I have felt great sense of loneliness when my life changed from one pace to another. The thing is we can control it when we make up our minds to do something about it. It is not easy, though, when energy is sapped. It is the depression that follows the loneliness that drains the person.

    Most of the time I found that when I help others, that activity helps me with my situation. I am sure you have your activities i.e. blogging, reading to children, etc. Sometimes we just need to take a break from the usual and try other avenues too. Anyway, these are just my thoughts. Ignore me if I don’t make sense. :)

    I wish you well and hope you feel better soon.

    Dearest Jac,

    Ah, life’s like that sometimes. There are hectic days when I feel like giving up the whole thing. There are quiet days when I start to write nonsense in my blog. May be I really need to try something new to break away from the routine. May be I just need a holiday again. Ah! so confused, I don’t even know what I want, which is soooooo typical of me! Thanks for everything sista.

  10. We are not lonely when there is attachment to something / somebody. You can be lonely in the crowd because you have no attachment to anybody in the crowd. Or you became lonely / detached because you heart is attached to somebody not in the crowd. And we were made to believe that this attachments are rea and their attachment to you is real. Our spouses are real. Our kids are real. Our friend are real. Are they? That is what we want or made to believe but there will be times when we found out that some are fakes. Then you will know that you are actually alone in this world… mom, I miss u.

    Oh dearest pick up the phone and call mommy

  11. Pingback: Happy Merdeka Day « Clemfour

  12. Loneliness is the feeling of emptiness,
    but such emptiness is a void to be filled,
    like a cup only there is a void,
    then the cup can be filled.
    The void makes you realise what you is your need
    do find your interest to pursue
    you will find one day
    you are no more lonely
    of course there are other ways too
    chat on the net will let you know
    friends are there to wait for you

  13. Loneliness is indeed a state of mind. I have at times been all on my own without a soul next to me and not feel lonely and there were times, in the company of many, I felt so lonely. Maybe, to be more precise, loneliness is state of the heart.

    Sir,

    I like that – “loneliness is a state of the heart.”

  14. The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature & God. -Anne Frank-

    Jemima,

    Should I give it a try then?

  15. Hi Elvisa,

    Sometimes it is easier said than done when people tell us, just shake it off whatever mood that we’re in. We are just human. We jolly well get into any kind of mood that, any particular situation that we are in would trigger. Enjoy the mood till it disappears..ha ha (again easier said than done). Ok for example sometimes we miss someone..that is pain right? Now I have acqauired the Art of appreciating pain..that missing pang is painful but sweet. So enjoy your loneliness too (do I make sense? Ha ha).

    Happy Merdeka.

    But remember at 50 we are still an infant yet. Cheers.

    Dearest Ruby,

    Of course, at 50 we are still an infant. Since you have acquired the art of appreciating pain, do you mind sharing it with us all. Emotional person like me surely can benefit a lot from you. And please, you don’t have to make sense here. In the words of my brother Shar101 “All bloggers are certifiably insane!”

  16. We seamen are probably among the loneliest people on God’s earth. We often work alone when everyone else is sleeping or resting, meeting others only during meals, but we get thru the day by keeping ourselves busy.

    Methinks you are not doing enough work … haha.

    You know what Captain? I think so too! :-)

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