Another court’s anecdote. But this one is not mundane, I promise. At the risk of making a complete mockery out of myself, I narrate below what transpired in court recently.
Me: “My lord, I am Elviza Michele for the Plaintiff and my learned friend –
Judge: “El whattt?”
Me: “Errr…Elviza Michele.” (at this point already sensing his faulty mood today!)
Judge: “Spell it for me.”
Me: “E.L.V.I.Z.A M.I.C.H.E.L.E”
Me: (in my head saying, what the hell he wants???) “I beg your pardon my lord?”
Judge: “Your dad’s name!” (his voice went few octaves higher, not a good start I must say).
Me: “Oh, Kamal My lord, my dad’s name is Kamal – K.A.M.A.L”
Judge: “So what’s your full name?”
Me: (silently heaving a long sigh) “Elviza Michele Kamal”
*proceeding continued, details are confidential*
At the end of the hearing, the Judge reprimanded me and me alone:-
Judge: “Counsel, next time you come to my court early so that the interpreter can put down your fancy name correctly.”
Sigh. I had enough of this crap. I have been explaining to people in my entire life about my name. Yes, I know its weird but it’s not my doing. Parents named their children remember? However, I once asked my late father this –
Me: “Ayah, why is my name so weird?”
Ayah: (smiling pleasantly) “Child, you read Romeo & Juliet, haven’t you?”
Me: “Yes I did, many times.”
Ayah: “Then, you should know the answer.”
I was perplexed by the reply. As I grew older, I know what he meant. Torn between two feuding families and her deep love for Romeo, Juliet lamented –
“Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What’s Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What’s in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet”
Apparently it matters not to Ayah that he named me differently, to his eyes I am always his rose. I seriously hope the decision of the hearing will be in my favour. Good day folks .