Sleepless in Setiawangsa

It’s raining again tonight. The rain brings a certain kind of ease to me. In this yet another sleepless night, I thought about a recent chat I had with a friend of mine.

Me: The heart wants a different thing isn’t it? Why does the heart want something that you can’t have?

I asked her point blank.

She stared into nothingness. Her face devoid of expression as she sat motionless on the sofa for the next few minutes.

Me: Well, are you thinking how to answer me or you don’t have an answer to that?

I pressed her when the silence was getting a tad eerie.

She moved her head slowly, heaved a long sigh and said:

Her: No, I don’t. Me, who usually comes up with a sharp reply to anything …err can’t answer your question.

Me: Hmmm…thats true; you always come up with plausible answers to everything.

Her pain was so intense. I could almost feel it in the air. With that she took her broken heart away.

My friends and I are largely skeptical about love. Experience has taught us all an invaluable lesson in so far as love and relationship are concerned. Nonetheless, I am still a believer in love. I want to keep believing in love. But sometimes, the twists and turns of life have a different agenda for us. With this undaunted courage, I will proceed to solve the complex equation of love, from a woman’s perspective. I have to give it a try. I owe it to myself and my friends.

Theoretically, Oxford dictionary defines love as ‘an intense feeling of deep affection.’ Ah, I wish it is that simple; and free from complications. But the love that I see in my life has a different definition. The cruelest love can do is to hurt you. Love has hurt many people around me, yours truly included.

I have seen the first kind of love, the kind that produces thunders and sparks everywhere. This kind of love makes you restless and jittery. It’s all good and healthy for a while…this kind of love. This kind of love makes you weak in the knees. However, this kind of love makes me a fraudulent poseur. Hey, it takes me a while to realise it.

I have also seen the subtle kind of love. The love that seeks comfort in the company of another person. This kind of love that doesn’t need expressions or assurances. This kind of love that grows strong in time like a root of an oak tree. This is the kind of love I entirely believe in now. Just like the kind of love my grandparents had shared during their life time.

 Ah, to each her own.


20 thoughts on “Sleepless in Setiawangsa


    cinta itu buta
    meraba ke dalam dada
    tanpa empat mata

    cinta juga tuli
    diteriaki pemimpi
    tak pernah peduli

    *Sam Haidy*


    Huh… *Cat got my tounge friend!*

  2. Elviza,

    You are so honest about your heart. Your husband is one damn lucky man! My best to him. Really, seriously……

    Dear Pengembara,

    I have to print this comment and shove it to my husband’s face. LOL

  3. salam elviza,
    sorry, ni lain sikit. my only totaly sleepless night was when i lost afifah. yes, it was love. but then i realise i cannot love subjectNya lebih pada Nya. inshaAllah.

    Salam Kakak,

    Its not out of topic, love comes in many forms. My sleeplessness is not so bad nowadays. Back then during law school, huh!, macam burung hantu mata nih!

  4. Mish!!
    Nice mural. And nice analysis ’bout love. Hope the three of you will be blanketed with the truest of LOVE your whole life. AMIN….

    Trying to love everybody… for I hope through that I can truly love Him.

    Dearest Yus,

    Insyallah… amin, amin

  5. salam Elviza:

    Terinagt lagu Alleycat sung by the Late Loga:

    Bila kau bercinta lagi..Cintalah sepenuhnya
    Bila kau bercinta lagi…jagakan lah hatinya…

    Its easier said than done, right?

    You take care,sis.

    Salam Bro,

    Ohhhhh…. I remember the song…

  6. Ahhh Seattle… I love the city, the bay and the nearby mount rainier. A perfect place to fall in love especially when you had just learnt about independence and the coldness of winter. A dangerous combination.

    Dear Sofiairdina,

    Never been to Seattle but I heard it rains there throughout the year. It is also where Dr. Derek Shepherd resides…

  7. My mum once told me that a loving, faithful wife is a man’s greatest treasure.
    I believe she is right. 😉

    Dearest Jemima,

    Behind every successful man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes behind his back 🙂

  8. Mula-mula lonesome… lepas tu sleepless. I wonder what’s coming up next Elviza dear… 😉

    Dear Pi,

    Hahahahaahahahaha! Aduhhhh…duh duh duh… tak tahu lah nak jawab apa! Sekali sekala okay kot…

  9. Pi Bani,

    That was precisly what I told Elviza when she was at my house on Tuesday.


    Ye Kak Ton……. Noted, will come up with something less melancholic soon!

  10. Ahhhh….lOVE.

    Sometimes, you have to let go.

    And after a little while, it doesn’t hurt anymore.

    But you will ‘suffer’ that tiny nagging feeling which pops up occasionally, especially when you’re in the company of other couples (& their kids), as to whether you did the best you can or could there be more.

    Still, it’s better to have loved and lost (at least in my case) but for others, trust me when I say “Sleepless and alone ain’t no fun at all”.

    P.S. Behind every successful man, there’s a woman with a secret bank account (which does not necessarily mean it’s not the wife). Stay in love but be practical too. Uhhhh…please don’t tell the guyz I said this, ok.

    Hahaahahahahah! Tell the guys I wil! Of course Sleepless and alone ain’t fun my dear. Find a new love – now!

  11. Hi Elviza

    Love the picture in your blog header. Very pretty.
    Anyway, this is the third time I am reading your entry. I did not know what to say in the previous visits. My mind was probably muddled and I could not think clearly.

    Anyway, love is a complicated subject. Everyone has a different view about it. Every couple has a certain kind of love that works for them. As you said “.. to each his own”.

    Dear Jac,

    I think it is best that I get out of this tricky subject. Even Bergen thinks that this is a heavy stuff. Something light and easy next time? Ah, to each her/his own. Take care friend

  12. Dear Ms Elviza,

    This is one high powered stuff, romance, uncertainties and jubilation – love is like that. But no matter how much people get hurt by it, some people even get cut into pieces, drown in sorrows or even get elotrocuted by it – people still go for it.

    I don’t understand this.

    Dear Stopa,

    For someone like you, I have a suggestion. Buy a plane ticket to Paris, board the plane, and stay there for as long as you could. Then you might believe in it… Give it a try!

  13. You are sooooo romantic and I love u perpetually, in this world or the next. I luv u sis, I luv u, I really do.

    Thank you, thank you (bowing out humbly). But I’m only romantic with words… ah! thats the flaw you must know

  14. Oklah, mellows down a bit. I love you but having known that you are married,
    I guess I will have to winnow my 10% of lust, 50% of love anf 30 of infatuation for you my dear Elviza.


    Dear Mason,

    Ah, you break my heart… 🙂

  15. Look honey

    After the love ie passion is gone, its about respect, responsibility, and loyalty.

    Eventually throw away those Harold RObbins and 10p love story books, and start living!


    As I said, to each his/her own. Selamat berpuasa to you and your family.

  16. Hi

    My definition of ‘love’ : a groin-kick-waiting-to-happen that has been cleverly disguised as an intense feeling of deep affection 🙂

    But then again, I’m a cynic

    Aptly put my dear…

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