Raindrop drums on the balcony’s awning, yielding a comforting sound as rain normally does to my ear. The whole of Bukit Setiawangsa is blanketed with darkness as the night inches away.The love of my life – Luqman – is deep in sleep paving way for me to dance my pencil across this battered moleskin.
Tonight, let’s talk about relationship; relationship which spans most part of our lives. I am no expert in this issue but talk about it I must since your input will give me a better perspective. Theories abound but, more often than not, you will learn through experience.
Yesterday, I spoke to my oldest friend who has been married for a decade. She endures numerous ordeals to get to where she is right now. Still, she knows no better – as she herself claimed to be. When two different persons roof together for years, differences bound to wrest them in the neck. The differences that you so skillfully conceal during your courting time. Ah, did I see you nodding to this statement?
We are all made up of different stuff – background, education, principles – in our lives. Often, we make mistake to make our partner think just like the way we do. Communication isn’t as simple a medium as we thought it can be especially when we are from Venus and they are from Mars.
I note that most Malaysian man and woman (take note that I restrain myself from using the word Malay, Chinese or Indian in the spirit of Malaysian Malaysia) wish to emulate their partners to his or her liking. Admittedly, we all have that perfect picture of our loved ones that we canvassed in our heads. We sadly overlook the fact that the our partner is an individual. As an individual, what sets them apart from the rest is their idiosyncrasies.
Over the years these idiosyncrasies turn annoying. We want them to be just like that person we painted in our head so long ago as our significant other.
My sincerest advice would be, let it go. For that person is someone else – not you. There is no such thing as perfection in a real relationship. If you think you are having such a perfect relationship, it is probably time for a reality-check. The desire to emulate our partner to be someone we dream them to be could lead to a catastrophe not fit for mention here.
We can’t change that person and I figure if thing they do does not hurt anyone but your ego, just let it go; for the price of changing someone is so high, you’ll get dizzy with its altitude.
In your attempt to change someone, fights will bound to happen, anger will ultimately boils down to shouting match. But you must remember, words once spoken, they are no longer yours. They belong to that person you addressed those words to. Chances are that person will remember especially when you are careless with your language.
Just like any other woman next to me, I tend to regret things I said in fists of anger. Most of the time, I can’t take it back so I will dwell in regret and try my best to make up for it. Best that I keep mum when wind of anger sweeps me.
Me? I don’t want to change anything about anyone save for my first love – Barisan Nasional. I understand this through a hard lesson; a lesson I can’t afford to pay for again. But there are things I did that I am not proud of. There is certain unfathomable addiction of my life that I wish to get rid of, not for anyone, but for myself – for Luqman mostly.
I end this post with a question you have to sincerely answer, ‘have we become so jaded with selfishness that we choose form over substance?’
Goodnight Sleepless in Setiawangsa.