Sleepless in Setiawangsa – 18

I swear I am not trying to plagiarise Ms. Bradshaw in writing the swanky ‘Sex and the City’. Neither am I trying to assuage the fault of men as blatantly displayed in that preposterous ‘Desperate Housewives’. And no, I will never change the aloofness against men as deeply felt by Meridith Grey in ‘Grey’s Anatomy’. But, the follies of men never cease to amuse me and this is what we shall talk about tonight.

On a completely off-topic note, I drool all the same, every time Patrick Dempsey who plays Dr. Derek Shepherd appears on the screen. He just oozes sex, don’t you think? ( I sincerely hope children are not reading this blog).

Men – and, for the life of me, this subject is still rocket-science to my brain – have been guilty of drawing inspiration from women only to swiftly return home to their wives without an iota of guilt. Hemingway sat at at Place St-Michel in Paris, saw a beautiful woman walked into the cafe, immediately possessed her in his mind and began writing furiously.

Since he was Earnest Hemingway, whatever he wrote that day turned out to be a masterpiece, which was subsequently published in his collection of essay ‘A Moveable Feast’. What I find rather intriguing,Β  is that the fact that he then headed home, cordially asked his amiable wife to pack her bag, to go to a chalet below Les Averant – to appease his desire to write elsewhere. Why can’t the wife be his inspiration instead of other woman?

Beats me.

I am no relationship connoisseur, but what Hemingway did is hardly an exception to the general rule. Both, men and women, take the persons closest to them for granted. I shudder thinking about those stories when familiarity breeds contempt, if not, outright callousness – be it in in a marriage or relationship.

A dear friend (a publisher to a local magazine, nonetheless) uttered something in jest to me, ‘… but she is happily married’. To which I unthinkingly replied, ‘My dear, no one is. Those are magazine stuff, you of all people should know that!’ And the publisher laughed out loud.

Of course, marriage has its lion share of advantage but to be deliriously, happily married or to be in a relationship without trials and turbulence are justΒ  fairy tale materials. After the novelty wears out and one’s idiosyncrasy becomes more pronounced: reality reigns supreme. And reality – true to its form – is hard to swallow. This, would be a real test in your relationship.

On a more contemporary note, my blogging sister, The Witch, recently wrote a profound post on fidelity or lack thereof. Do read her, she is so real; she sends a shiver down my spine.

But I remain an incurable romantic. No matter how real it gets, I still believe in love. I end this post with a phrase from Shakespeare’s comedy As You Like It: ‘If thou rememberest not the slightest folly, that ever love did make thee run into, thou hast not loved’.

A thousand times good night.


16 thoughts on “Sleepless in Setiawangsa – 18

  1. Hah! What a relief you came up with SiS back on track. Thought you’ve gone off to be one of those politician slaying blogger.

    Excellent thoughts written in immaculate language. You should really publish this SiS series. Can’t wait to get my hands on them.

    Dear Seri,

    I am sure, you are being too generous in giving compliments. I am honoured that you like this posting.

  2. Sis Elviza,

    Impeccably captured the reality of relationships. Healthy marriage also requires external support via extended family and mutual friends.

    I have observed most men who take mistresses are poorer reflection of the first wife. There might be exceptions to the rule.

    Why men stray? They are looking for perfection. The wife has everything the man dream of. As you said, taking for granted as one of the cardinal sins in a marriage, the wife may score 9 out of 10. That one missing mark becomes glaring over the 9 good points.

    Then along comes a woman who meets that one point becomes his obssession.

    Self love is mistaken as love — an expectation of the other person must fit in the jigsaw puzzle. It’s no more loving the other person for who she is.

    On the other hand, self love must be balanced. We don’t get married to feel complete. Maturity is self-adequacy. Adequately loved to love. It’s a continuing process. One must be able to live with oneself to be at ease with another person.

    A friend told me I helped in her marriage. I didn’t do anything outstanding except sharing common ground with her husband.

    As a bachelor I don’t miss anything cos my time is full. I find fulfilling to meet friends and helping them.

    Sorry for my long story.

    Brother Cheang,

    Both men and women stray in a relationship. Often, they are mislead into finding that perfect niche of a relationship only to discover that nothing is perfect in this world. Only God is.

  3. Friend,

    As I long suspect so, you are incurably insane!

    Second, the fault of men may be many but I can’t live with them! πŸ™‚

    I understand where are you coming from my old friend but remember, God loves you so much he gave you Jeffry.

    May not be the most romantic man on earth, unlike you, but he is the best you managed to land yourself so far. There, go kiss him!

    Hugs to Lukey boy.

    Old friend,

    God must have really loved me, huh? Told ya He has sense of humour! πŸ™‚

  4. Ma’am writer,

    Women are guilty of the same offense too, you know?

    How come we men have to take the blame all the time? I got my heart slapped and kicked many times but I couldn’t blame them. Most of the time it was my fault.

    There is no pleasing you women. Sorrry, dont get offended.

    Dear Zuld,

    Ahh, did a girl break your heart? Don’t worry, my dear, this too, shall pass πŸ™‚

  5. Dear Ms Kamal

    Isn’t this akin to someone, who, after having had food poisoning on several occasions, deciding that it would be best to go off food forever believing all food must therefore, by definition, be severely tainted?


    Wouldn’t be great if all food were tainted? Then, I don’t have to – ever – be on diet to keep in shape. LOL

  6. Elviza

    In a perfect world, love would fall easily into place like the interlocking pieces of a well made jigsaw puzzle; there would be no obstacles to overcome; and there will be no past that must be undone.

    However, in the real world, we sometimes find ourselves clinging to a love no matter how tenuous our hold may be; believing when everything tells us that there is nothing left to believe in; and continuing to pine for that someone even when the outcome is less than clear.

    In other words, sometimes the things we want doesn’t get delivered to us in the condition that we would prefer them to be in.

    But I guess life is such…

    Dear Mat,

    I don’t quite know how to answer this, I am guessing I knew it all along. Sigh

  7. Elviza,

    I agree with this post 100%! Men throw their promises into the air and conveniently forget about it!

    Lest I want to be a victim again, I wish to stay alone forever.

    That’s right, Dr. Derek oozes sex! And those soft tendrils of his hair makes me want to run my hand into it so badly. Sigh….

    Dear Alez,

    Women are guilty of the same offence too, my dear. But I totally agree on Dr.Derek’s locks! Ah, its to die for.

  8. How to satisfy a man:
    Be a master chef in the kitchen
    Be a mother Teresa to the kids
    Be a whore in bed( not necessarily enjoying it)
    ……..Jerry Hall Jagger.

    How to satisfy a woman:
    1. Get a fully furnished bungalow

    2. Buy Jimmy Choo shoe every other month

    3. Cartier bag for anniversary

    4. Be back from work 30 minutes ( if caught in jam add 10 minutes) from clocking out.

    5. No happy hours

    6.Change nappies with a glee as if this is the thing you look forward to since 1 pm at work.

    7.Dont linger your eyes on other women.

    8. Plenty of cash and credit cards for weekly shopping.

    9.Go back to her kg for hari raya every year and hug her mother as if you miss her dearly.

    10. Perform your husbandry function with an hour long interlude and shortest time of the actual act..”and dont mess the bedsheet..I tell you!”

    11.Stick with ‘missionary’ Global Positioning system and…” dont you dare to be advanterous I tell you !”

    Sorry Ms Kamal ,am a bit emotional ….I failed on all account as a husband except for item 9 …coz I miss another woman dearly apart fr my wife…my MUM

    Selamat Hari Raya…miss you Mum
    …ni case tak balik kg le ni

    Dear Mr. Kalahari (I am hot),

    Are you alright, dear? LOL. Hang on, I didn’t know Cartier has a bag in its range. Hmmmmm…

  9. [Comments here are entirely off-topic. Came here to seek revenge for having spurred me into a “Sleepless in Kangkong” yesterday:-) ]

    Some of the folks at Kelantan Bloggers are planning to meet in KB during the Raya period (See the Chat Box)

    Mohd Zawi has suggested Raya-3, Friday morning (and going to listen to someone `mengajar’ after that). Let’s decide how much each should contribute per head.

    My suggestion is this: Nothing fancy (would consider this another time); just meeting at a restaurant to see how ugly the other really looks like:-)

    Dear Cendana,

    Ah, this is really late but I did reply on Kelantan Bloggers shoutbox that 3rd raya would be my sister’s engagement and we will have kenduri. Can’t make it if it’s on 3rd Raya.

  10. Wonder why a few of my comments don’t turn up here…? Don’t think I’ve ever annoyed you enough into filtering me out:-) Must be this Akismet thing…

    Yes, yes, I found one of your comments in the akismet thing. Lucky thing I found it, nanti you kecik hati πŸ™‚

  11. Elviza
    What you wrote here is difficult to falsify cause I know it’s real. Is what you portray here a normal pattern, the portrait of a marriage? Or is it an anomaly, an exception, an odd occurence?

    I have never watched Grey’s Anatomy, but am now curious to see why ladies are so eager to ruffle the hair of a certain doctor.

    Note: The streamyx at home is giving me grief since yesterday’s morning. Am at the office now, readying myself to jointly facilitate a workshop.


    Dear aMiR,

    Probably, Hopefully, an exception and odd occurance.

  12. u always amaze me lah.. memang we always take for granted those who close to us.. how true kan?

    selamat hari raya, kalau kat kelantan, singgah lah machang.

    Dear AnakMami,

    Selamat Hari Raya to you too. You are going to be in Kelantan for Raya? Husband’s side, I assume so?

  13. To keep your man, always knows how to keep yourself looking good and cordial in the public, be sexy in your bedroom, be the master cook in your kitchen.

    Dear WTF,

    Hear, hear Sir!

  14. Elviza,

    Everytime, everytime, you write Sleepless In Seatiawangsa, you got me sleepless too. Sleepless because you got me so spell-bound, I must rethink about my life.

    As you said in your last posting last week “is that good or bad?”

    Dear Hashim Ahmad,

    You are, as usual, too generous with your compliments, Sir. Thank you

  15. I love passing by this neat little corner of yours. It gives something soothing to the heart even when the topic discussed is damn deadly.

    Celebrate to the god-gift’s talent, never let it go down to waste.

    Selamat Hari Raya to you and your little family.

    p/s: saw your profile on facebook, but to shy to say hello and add you as friend!

    Dear Edwin,

    Absolutely must add me on your facebook! Thank you for the kind words though.

  16. Did I sense a bit a bitterness from you end dear writer?

    Care to share with us what prompt the whole idea?

    Dear Mom of 3,

    Me, bitter? Nah… getting too old for it! πŸ™‚

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